I put this here so you can read it whenever you want, in your own time.
Hey Kiddo,
I miss the boiled carrots.
The driving lessons on gravel roads.
Spaghetti nights. Saturday brunch.
Bouncey castles in the yard.
I miss you helping me in the kitchen, grading cheese, and the trips to the water park.
I miss you coming to me with friend problems, and then coming back a week later to tell me how it all turned out.
When I think about us over the years… Daddy pig and daughter pig… just me and you… I don’t need anyone to explain that to me. I lived it. And so did you.
If you look with your own eyes, hear with your own ears, and feel with your own heart… you already know who I am.
That’s the part I want you to trust.
If you take everything you’ve been told about me… and set it aside for a moment… and just compare it to what you’ve actually experienced with me… what you’ve seen, heard, and felt yourself… what lines up? And what doesn’t?
You don’t have to answer that to anyone else. Just be honest with yourself.
I’m still here. I still love you. That hasn’t changed for a second.
There are a couple things I want to talk about. You don’t have to read them all at once, and you don’t have to agree with me. I just want you to think about them.
About Carolyn’s
I want to start with something important. I lost my temper with you in the car that day. I shouldn’t have. I handled it poorly, and I am sorry. I never want to hurt you.
At the same time, I want you to think about something.
That was a very heavy day. Everyone was dealing with a lot emotionally. I had a lot on my plate, trying to manage things that needed to get done.
You really wanted to be involved, and I understand why. You cared. That part of you is something I love.
But there were moments where what you wanted and what the situation needed didn’t quite line up.
So here’s the question I’d ask you:
Do you think there are times where you might ask for a lot of attention or things to go a certain way… even when the situation might not be able to support that?
That’s not a flaw. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Most of the time, it’s actually part of what makes you you, and it’s something I’ve always found endearing.
But like anything, it’s something to be aware of and grow with.
About what’s been happening more recently
I want to be very careful here, because I’m not trying to tell you what to think about anyone.
I just want you to think.
Last night, Matthew called me and asked for help. I stayed on the phone and listened to what was happening in real time.
From what I heard, he was calm. He wasn’t yelling back.
At the same time, I heard a lot of yelling directed at him, including things about who he is as a person.
Based on what I was hearing, I told him to call the police.
So I want to ask you a few things:
Have you heard different versions of what happened?
Do you feel like you’re getting the full picture, or just one side of it?
When someone is calm and the other person is escalating… how do you usually interpret that?
Has anyone tried to explain to you whose fault it was… before you had a chance to think it through yourself?
And if someone tells you something is Matthew’s fault… or my fault… does that explanation fully match what you’ve seen and experienced yourself?
More generally:
Have you ever noticed situations where questions are asked in a way that feels like there’s already a “right” answer?
Have you ever felt like you were being guided toward thinking or feeling a certain way about someone… even if your own experiences didn’t fully match that?
When that happens… what does that feel like to you?
Do your opinions feel like they’re fully yours?
I’m not asking you to take my side.
I’m asking you to trust yourself.
To look at what you’ve actually experienced in your life… and let that guide you.
There’s one more thing I want to explain clearly.
I want to sit down and talk with you. That matters to me more than anything.
At the same time, I need to do that in a way that feels calm and safe, where we can both actually be heard. From my experience, I’m not able to have that kind of conversation if your mom is present.
That’s not about asking you to choose sides, and it’s not about judging anyone. It’s about me understanding what I can and can’t do in a healthy way.
What I am open to is having another adult there so you feel comfortable and supported. That could be your therapist, my therapist, or any neutral person you trust.
My only boundary is that it can’t be your mom.
If that doesn’t feel comfortable right now, I understand. We can take our time, or find another way to talk. There’s no pressure.
I love you. I’m here. That doesn’t change.
And whenever you’re ready, I’ll be right here waiting.