Things That Make Me Cry

Have you ever seen the movie “Room”? If you have ever had a five year old kid and you want to cry for two hours straight, you need to see Room. It’s been about half an hour since it ended and I’m still teary eyed.

I shoveled the driveway tonight. I know that’s kind of routine in Canada but today was kind of special. We have a 72 hour winter storm warning and we got 30cm of snow today. That’s a foot in American. Or, a fuck ton of snow in plain English. We have two more days of snow ahead of us too.

This post was going to be about things I’m not going to miss when I finally leave for the warmer climate, but it got sidetracked somewhere. It turned into a post about stuff I will actually miss and while a double driveway three cars long could easily be something I never want to shovel again, it kind of hit me that I’m going to miss shovelling it.

This story starts a few years ago. My Mom, whom I’ve had a kind of rocky relationship with through my late teens and twenties had surgery a long time ago. She was in a car accident, and had knee replacements and hip replacements. This whole deal left her with mobility issues and a few years back, when I’d finally gotten my messy life together, she had a fall shortly after her most recent surgery.

Obviously, I rushed to go help her after said fall but she lived an hour away. It was hard for me to take care of her. Long story short, I asked her to move to the city I decided to make my home in. She’s always lived an hour from here, her whole life. It was a big ask to get her to leave everything she’s ever known, but she agreed.

I found her a job at my company and life has been pretty good since. She has been a huge part of her grandchildren’s lives and of mine. Life got pretty normal with Grandma here, she’s now a big part of our family and we love her dearly.

Shovelling the driveway today was a big thing for me. I went out at about 8:00pm because Grandma get’s done work at 9:00pm. A foot of snow across the whole thing and I removed all of it so that she wouldn’t have any trouble getting her car in and so that she could get into the house easily.

The roads were terrible for her coming home from work so I waited outside to make sure she could get into the driveway and park safely.

It felt really good to be there for her after she brought me this far. I don’t show it, but I really enjoy her being here (ps. Love you ma).

She makes everything possible and I am so proud to be able to shovel the driveway for her. Is that weird?

Of all the things I will miss when we live on a sailboat and roam the planets oceans, I thought unlimited internet, long showers, and convenient grocery stores topped my list. But tonight, I got to realize that shovelling the drive for my Ma was one of the most important things to me.

It’s truly the little things in life that matter the most. I’m learning so much now that I’ve decided to walk away from life as I know it. So many things you consider to be a task but when the day comes where you don’t have to do them anymore, you realize how much they meant to you.

Tomorrow I get to shovel again, and I’m sure I’m the only one in Canada who values such a thing.

I find myself yearning for the adventure ahead, but coming to grips with the things I’m leaving behind. The relationships, the friends, the hanging out, liquid lunches with my work peeps, the important stuff. But also, the unexpected not so important stuff, like grocery shopping, oil changes, cutting the lawn, and yes, shovelling snow.

Be close with your people, any way you know how. It could all be gone tomorrow.

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